OfficialDumbass.com
Thursday, April 07, 2005
Sex doll sparks scare in Post Office
BERLIN (Reuters) - A blow-up sex doll sparked a bomb alert in a German post office after it started to vibrate inside a package awaiting delivery, police said Wednesday.
"Workers were unsettled when it began vibrating and made strange noises," a spokesman for police in the eastern city of Chemnitz said. "They were worried the package might be a bomb."
Officers brought the sender to the scene and discovered the source of alarm was an electrical device inside a life-size female sex doll. The man told police he had wanted to return the doll because it kept turning itself on at the wrong moment.
Order was restored after the sender removed the doll's batteries so the defective product could be returned.
Smile - You're an Official Dumbass!
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This ain't puppy love...
BRUSSELS (Reuters) - A Belgian man on trial for having sex with dogs claims he did it out of compassion for man's best friend, a Belgian paper said on Friday.
Daily Gazet Van Antwerpen said the 36-year old in the eastern Belgian town of Genk told the court he had sex with dogs "out of love for animals," since a lot of them can't have sex, especially those locked up in refuges.
The man, only identified by his initials, could face six months in jail if convicted.
He had worked in an animal refuge before and had also posted thousands of pictures on the Internet of himself having sex with dogs, the paper said.
Source: AP
Smile - You're an Official Dumbass! (And a freak!)
Mom drives to police station for sobriety test and fails
ALBION, N.Y. - When Diane Viza got into an argument with her son over whether she was sober, she drove to the local police station asked to take a sobriety test. That turned out to be a bad idea.
The 45-year-old woman was charged with driving while intoxicated after she showed up at the police station in the Orleans County village of Albion and asked officers to administer a breath test.
The unusual request came after she had picked up her son at a friend's house and got into an argument with him because he suspected she had been drinking.
Viza is due back in village court on April 12th.
Source: AP
Smile - You're an Official Dumbass!
Thief steals dog poop
SAN DIEGO - This mugger was left holding a bag he didn't really want.
Police said they were searching for a gunman who ran up to a woman while she was walking her dog Monday night and grabbed the bag she was holding. It contained poop.
When the gunman discovered what was in it, he threw it down in disgust, pointed his gun at the 32-year-old woman and demanded money, San Diego police detective Gary Hassen said.
He then aimed his .22-caliber semiautomatic at the dog, named Misty, and pulled the trigger twice but the gun didn't fire, Hassen said. The robber, who was believed to be in his 20s, ran to a waiting small, silver car and fled, police said.
Source: AP
Smile - You're an Official Dumbass!
Car hood pops open, driver keeps on going...
CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa - Two men traveling on Interstate 380 ended up in jail because the hood of their car popped open. The men were heading south of I-380 on Tuesday when the hood open and covered the windshield, the Linn County sheriff's office said.
Instead of pulling over to fix the problem, the men stuck their heads out the windows so they could see the road and kept going at about 55 mph, officials said.
Two Linn County deputies on patrol took note, and pulled them over.
They arrested the driver, Travis Williams, 25, of Cedar Rapids, on suspicion of driving under suspension, and no proof of insurance. The passenger, Brandon Calmese, 27, of Cedar Rapids, was arrested on a parole violation warrant from Illinois.
Both men were taken to jail. Williams was released Thursday afternoon. Calmese remained in jail on the Illinois warrant.
"It's a little bit hard to drive with the hood of the car laid over the window," Sheriff Don Zeller said.
Source: AP
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Public Access Porno
POUGHKEEPSIE, N.Y. - Viewers expecting to see the latest local meeting on their public access channel got an eyeful recently when Cablevision played a tape of nude dancers accidentally.
The mistake affected customers in parts of Dutchess, Ulster, Putnam and Orange counties.
Hopewell Junction resident George Morton returned home from Palm Sunday Mass and turned on his television to see a striptease contest.
"I thought, this is terrible," Morton said. "I don't get HBO or anything like that."
Cablevision said Thursday it was not a public access program and that a "program switching error" occurred.
"When it was detected, the programming was removed immediately," Cablevision spokesman Bill Powers said. "We have taken appropriate steps to prevent this from happening again."
Morton said he planned to file a complaint with the Federal Communications Commission.
Source: AP
Smile - You're an Official Dumbass!
Man dials 911 by mistake while planning robbery
ROGERSVILLE, Tenn. - Hawkins County authorities were waiting for two would-be burglars after a cell phone in a suspect's pocket accidentally dialed 911 and dispatchers overheard them plotting the crime.
Authorities arrested Jason Anthony Arnold, 29, and James Keith Benton, 38, both of Church Hill, and charged them with burglary and theft over $500. Officers said they tried to steal a refrigerator from a mobile home dealership.
The Hawkins County Sheriff's Department was tipped off early Friday morning when dispatchers overheard a 40-minute conversation from a cell phone about plans to rob the dealership.
"It's the kind with the numbers exposed," detective Eve Jackson said. "Apparently with this type of phone if you hold down the number nine it automatically dials 911. So Mr. Arnold's phone was in his front jeans pocket, and somehow the number nine got pressed, and central dispatch heard everything they said."
Deputies thought the 911 call could have been a prank because it was April Fool's Day, but the scene unfolded exactly the way the conversation had described.
The suspects went into one of the mobile homes, carried out a refrigerator and were surprised when police came out from hiding and confronted them.
Authorities were hoping to identify other accomplices by listening to the 911 call again.
Source: AP
Smile - You're an Official Dumbass!
Man defends self in court, then claims attorney incompetence
By TRUDY TYNAN, Associated Press Writer
SPRINGFIELD, Mass. - Thomas P. Budnick says his lawyer's incompetence was to blame for his assault conviction. The funny thing is he was representing himself.
He took his case before the state Appeals Court on Wednesday, arguing that the trial judge never should have allowed Budnick to defend himself against charges of trying to poison a friend by lacing a bottle of beer with nitric acid.
Budnick once filed mining claims on Mars and threatened to sue NASA for trespassing. Such antics should have been enough to make the judge question his competence to waive counsel, his new court-appointed lawyer said.
"This was a guy who had just come out of Bridgewater," said Linda Harvey, referring to the state mental hospital.
Budnick was charged in 2002 with trying to poison friend Ryan Gauthier by spiking a 40-ounce bottle of beer.
Budnick, who claimed he had accidentally given Gauthier a bottle of acid he kept in his garage for cleaning his collection of meteorites, was convicted of assault with a dangerous weapon and sentenced to two years in prison.
But he was cleared of the more serious charge of attempted poisoning because the liquid spilled on Gauthier's leg and burned him before he could drink it.
Hampden County prosecutor Carl Lindley told the Appeals Court that, despite his eccentricities, Budnick had "made an effective litigant."
"The jury acquitted him of the most serious charge," Lindley pointed out to the panel of justices who met Wednesday at Western New England Law School.
For more than 20 years, Budnick tried to file and peddle mining claims in such diverse places as George's Bank, the asteroid belt, Mars and the moons of Jupiter. After trying several states without success, he finally persuaded Texas authorities to accept his astral mineral rights claims in 1984.
The court did not immediately rule on Budnick's appeal. He's scheduled to be released from prison this summer.
Source: AP
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Smells like jail time
GREENSBURG, Ind. - A man who went to the sheriff's department to bond out his brother-in-law also ended up in jail when police realized the money he handed them reeked of marijuana.
Timothy Richards, 45, of Columbus, went to the Decatur County Sheriff's Department and when he handed dispatcher Julie Meyers $400, she counted it and then noticed something unusual.
"When I walked back toward the jail I noticed the money was damp and smelled funny," Meyers said.
A jailer who sniffed the money told her it smelled like marijuana, she said.
Indiana State Trooper Chip Ayers was nearby and asked for the money, she said. He smelled it and then asked Richards for consent to search him and his car, Meyers said.
Ayers found a pipe and a small amount of marijuana and charged Richards with possession. If convicted, he could face six months to three years in prison and a $10,000 fine.
Richards remained in jail for several hours Tuesday — until his brother-in-law made bail and came back to pay his own $250 bond.
Source: AP
Smile - You're an Official Dumbass!
OfficialDumbass.com is born!
Welcome to the brand new site: OfficialDumbass.com. I guess the big question on everybody's mind is, "What the hell is this site about?"
To put it simply, this site was created with one intention... to publicly ridicule people who have done some really dumbass things. We all make mistakes, to be sure, but who is to say whether or not somebody just made an honest mistake or whether they're a dumbass?
Me. Deal with it.
Take, for instance, the guy who robs a convenience store, and sets his shotgun down on the counter to grab some extra merchandise from a nearby rack, only to look up again and find that the store clerk has picked up the shotgun and is now pointing it at him. That's an official dumbass. :)
